“Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out.”
– Karl Augustus Menninger
I arrived at a point in my life where running away from who I am is impossible. The process of big changes is hard. Also the process of learning and experiencing life and myself through eyes of a new-born is a huge struggle. My professional path doesn’t make sense to me anymore and the values which were palmed off on me neither. I learned to seek safety, prestige, a “real” job and to avoid conflicts. Stability is happiness – that is why I was taught, that drastic changes only bring troubles into one persons blindfolded life.
Changes bring uncertainty, uncertainty brings anxieties, anxieties bring unhappiness and unhappiness sucks. Changes are therefor bad.
For me, and I believe for many of us, one of the heaviest struggles in life is having existence and future fears. I went and am going through both and oftentimes I felt or feel unheard and not taken seriously. I feel like it’s an inconvenient topic because many of us feel unhappy and even stuck, still are scared to leap into something new, that probably would make us bigger, more productive and happier. But it’s too risky and too scary.
To rearrange the whole life could mean losing everything convenient we’re attached to now. And the thought of something completely unknown terrifies us, yes, it freezes us. Normally we’re scared of uncertainty, that’s why we pay thousands of euros for insurances, which we never use and work jobs our whole lives we don’t really like. We often do them because of the fixed salary and the prestige in the societal matrix. Yes, we do them and are paying the price by going against our own desires and talents. Harsh truth we don’t like so much.
It’s even scarier to feel alone in all those fears, especially when we’re emotionally involved in our own anxiety-hell. Other people, even our close friends or family, don’t give us the support we need, because they oftentimes can’t feel through us. They believe, that we’re inventing or dramatizing. Or they are “tired” to listen to the same story all over again how unhappy we are with our current situation. It’s understandable, that it’s hard to be patient with us, if we know that we need to change everything, but don’t know how and where to start.
We can’t blame others because other people have their own fears, struggles and concerns and their own problems always seem to them much heavier than our problems. So do ours to us.
Also many people don’t have the courage to question their existence on this planet, so they can’t relate to those who are and who want to express all of the potential, ideas and creativity (which is given to each one of us by the way). The Beatles sang to us, that living with eyes closed is easy. They’re right.
The truth can make us feel lonely and helpless in our own emotional prison and this is often the reason why the existence and future fears grow and the decision-making process is extended for months, sometimes even years. The answer for the decision to leap and to change everything or not to leap is normally clear from the very beginning on, yet sometimes need years to make it.
The others would say “yeah, then why don’t you just do something else?” – but doing something else is one of the most difficult steps. I’m not talking about exchanging one office job for another. I’m not talking about changing the city. (But even those changes are very, very tough..)
I’m talking about diving into a creating process, diving into full uncertainty, being confronted with our power and sometimes powerlessness. I’m talking about building something with our bare hands and ideas. I’m talking about taking the full responsibility for our strengths and our lives. I’m talking about finally fully expressing our talents and desires without compromising. I’m talking about creating a life where there are no regrets left NOW. I’m talking about finally face our own real potential.
So my chain rather would look like this:
Unhappiness sucks and it brings anxieties, anxieties bring uncertainty, uncertainty brings changes and changes always open a new opportunity to something much better. Changes are therefore awesome.
But wait…I forgot, that I’m afraid…
Not much time left until I will leave my current, good office job in a well-known company and dive into “nothing”. During the last few years I’ve found the strength within myself to see, that I’m an artist, a creator, who is slowly dying in the prison of a corporate life, in a prison of social norms and prescriptions of what is normal.
I was writing, cooking, singing, songwriting since I was a child and instead of enhancing those skills, I was following the societal norms of studying something “real” in order to have a “real job”. Now, without any savings in my pocket and without a clear plan, I made a decision not to follow a corporate carrier anymore, because even if the money-and prestige-in-the-society-aspects sound inviting and I’m used to a certain standard of my daily life – it never ever will make me happy.
A few days ago I had a panic-attack, because it terrifies me what my “future” will look like, once my last salary will arrive. Even if I seem cool on the surface by making such a difficult and courageous decision for a big change – I’m scared as fuck. I’m scared, because I’m not sure where I go, because I’m going alone, because it might work but might not work out, because maybe nobody needs my voice or my recipes, because maybe I’ve lost my mind and all my ideas are crap. I doubt everything and at times I just want to run back to the application processes and interviews in order to have the safe normal job.
If we have to make courageous and difficult decisions, life will throw tough lessons and discouraging people to us to “test” us. All we can do is to stay strong and I found it’s easier to survive if we …
- always keep our vision in mind (our “Why”)
- only listen to the advise and comments of those people, who live the life we want to live (And they never will discourage or question our even craziest dreams which don’t make any sense. Those people, who are content and confident with their own inner and outer lives will encourage and support as much as they can. Those people are our guardian angels who will always find uplifting words if we feel stuck.)
- always remind ourselves of our greatness and powerful being on this planet (Yes, we are strong, beautiful, powerful, enough and whole already. I’m wearing a bracelet as a symbol to remind myself of who I am. It’s a small thing, but it has a huge effect.)
- always keep doing what we’re doing, even if we’re making baby-steps (30 minutes a day makes about 10950 minutes a year, which is 182,5 hours … trust me, in 182 hours you can achieve a damn lot! And think of 5 years, or 10, or 15 … it’s worth it.)
- find our tribe, who sees us for who we are and want us to succeed (They’re not necessarily our friends or family. But if we keep on doing what we love and spreading our thoughts and voices, we attract the right people eventually. I could never imagine how much unconditional help and support I got from powerful people, writers and entrepreneurs, once I set aside my fears to publish my work or to speak openly about who I am and where I want to go. Most of the people are happy to help with advise or support us. It’s okay to reach out for help and it’s not showing weakness, but showing strength by wanting to move to another higher level in life)
- allow ourselves to feel whatever we feel, but always stay positive long-term
- support ourselves on our way and accept all the hurdles which are yet to come
Nothing can stop us once we made a decision to change our lives. After all, what is the worst that can happen to us? If we “fail” with our idea, we will learn a lesson and succeed the next time. The process of changes is the most incredibly interesting process, which shows us our limitless opportunities and which enhances our talents, our personal and professional skills so fast like no corporate job ever could. Because we learn from ourselves. Because we’re taking risks and grow. And if we think of all the great people in our world who are making a difference, what did they do? They dared a leap into their potential. So can we. We only sometimes have to be reminded on who we are. We’re beautiful people with limitless potential and we’re together. We dare to live, to share and to support each other to succeed. We’re all bound to succeed, if we choose to.
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