“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance”
– Oscar Wilde
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I see happy couples shopping together on the streets and men buying their women beautiful flowers. They hold hands and hug each other. The city is decorated with red little hearts and statements like “love is in the air” or “show your loved ones your love”. Tomorrow is the day to prove love, to show love, to receive love, to be compassionate to each other, to feel the presence of each other, to be present for one another, to say kind words to each other, to fall in love again, to kiss, to give hugs, to be intimate with more passion, to surprise, to make gifts, to make time, to compliment, to dream together and to support each others dreams. It all will be tomorrow. At this one magic day.
I am single for a couple of years now and although it’s forbidden for single people to write about relationships, I will dare. I want to talk about where to get this amazing and big love. We look for the potential love at parties, bars, while shopping, at tinder, at Facebook, at the office, at the university, everywhere. We want to have a caring partner, who will take all the worries away, but are we always caring to ourselves and to others? We want somebody, who never will judge us and support our crazy dreams, but are we always support our own crazy dreams and don’t we judge ourselves and other people? We want a partner, who will make time for us and who will be present, but do we make time for ourselves and for other people? We want somebody, who is active, who is curious, who is a world’s citizen. But are we curious, active and exploring?
This list can be continued forever. What I want to say is, searching for the perfect partner outside, to fulfill you, to make you happy, to take away your worries – will lead you nowhere.
The place where this ‘partner’ lives, where this ‘love’ lives – is only within us.
If you are everything you want to see in your partner – he/she will meet you eventually. We attract into our life ‘ourselves’. We have, what we are. So if one finds himself in a toxic relationship, it is how he reflects himself and yes, even deserves that kind of relationship, if he/she stays in it. There is no unfair in our simple universe.
A little example from my experience: I really want to be surrounded by sporty people, I am seeking to be around them, who are crazy about healthy living and eating, but I barely do sports myself and my food habits are all in all ‘ok’, but need a lot of improvement (vegetarian, but I often eat sweets, drink way too much wine, eat bread and don’t have a schedule what I eat and when in what amounts – the result is my own discontent with myself). So do you think I meet those sporty people anywhere? Right, no.
Another little example: I am passionate about music and writing as much as about personal development and gourmet cuisine, so guess what, all of my closest friends are like-minded. Men and women I meet, doesn’t matter online or in life love the same, sometimes its stunning because we meet at the most unexpected places and it seems like ‘fate’, because we both are extremely self-aware and know why we have met, because we are happy to share our love to music, because we are happy to eat amazing food. We are happy to reflect ourselves as beautifully in each other.
We attract what we are.
Integrity is the keyword to attract the big love we dream about. Living it, all of that what you want to see in other people. Always, always loving and taking care of yourself first. It’s not egoism – it is the biggest gift you can make to yourself and the people around you. Taking care of your inner world, loving yourself as hell, loving your body and your mind. A few examples:
If you respect yourself – you won’t be jealous in a destroying way.
If you are kind to yourself – you will never be judging other people.
If you love yourself – you will share your self love with your partner and it will be enough.
If you cherish your own time – you will be cherishing other peoples time too and be happy that they spend it with you by their choice.
If you are self confident and accept yourself – you won’t have the need to prove yourself to your partner and you will accept him/her as he/she is (and not how you imagine/want him or her to be).
Once you caught this self love and self respect, you know how incredibly divine it feels and you don’t want to lose it. And even if you fall into old habits – you make it back out there very fast. Because you want this amazing relationship with your self. The way I see it, it’s the most difficult relationship to build. But if that one works – every other is a cakewalk.
So, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Wake up and be happy, that it’s YOU, you woke up with. Be grateful for your beautiful body, for everything you have, take a minute to look around, how wealthy you are. You can choose whatever. It’s YOU who came as far. Feel that love with every cell of your body, stop the time and feel that love. This big love is within us. Be your own valentine, share your big self love with the world and you will receive so much love back ….
Your man, your woman is looking for you too. By being his/her true self, by being open about what he/she is. Just be open with who you are too, be that person you want to attract into your life. And then you can genuinely reach ‘heaven on earth’ together, by combining two big loves and making them melt into each other. No boundaries. No games. Just pure love. Never settle for less.
Happy Valentine’s Day. Love you.
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