A few years ago I consciously started to self-develop and re-build my mind. Today I feel such a huge difference between “pleasant” and “unpleasant” around and within me. Even tiny negative emotions cause a huge wave of crap.
Every single day I practice new things in order to raise the quality of my life. I mean, if something doesn’t serve me – be it a person, an activity or in front of all my own thoughts – why should I go for them?
But even if I try and do practice happiness every single moment, negative emotions are there. They’re inescapable sometimes. We’re human and I totally feel everybody who deals with negative emotions. It’s utterly tough.
Through deep meditation I learned how to stay calm during hard times and how to control my own impulsive mind, which caused me many, many years in suffering and depression. I guess, that every meditation technique teaches approximately the same: staying calm and accepting everything as it is. So a profound understanding of this wisdom could ease the pain and make one’s life lighter, easier and happier. Here’s how I deal with negative emotions of my own:
Accepting Negative Emotions
It’s hard, I know. When we go through a breakup, big changes, anger, hatred, grief, feelings of unfair-ness or similar, all we want is to be heard (and preferably validated). Negative emotions blow our minds and seem to stay forever. They are much stronger than happiness emotions (god knows why). We try to banish them to hell. And the more we banish and resist, the bigger they become. It doesn’t work always, but most of the time I try to re-mind myself, that I survived every single negative emotion until today and this negative emotion will pass away too. No idea when, but it will pass away. It won’t stay forever. Negative emotions are there – ok, let them be. With a little practice we can be always aware, that a negative emotion is just a negative emotion and nothing more. It will pass away.
Stepping Back from any Actions
When we feel negative emotions we tend to feel the urge to act. Mostly all we do during an anger explosion will be regretted right after we calm down. So here it’s again very useful to stay aware and just do nothing. I take a few deep breaths, maybe close my eyes for some time. Mostly I become calmer by walking outside and being aware of the beautiful nature around me. It’s simple as it is: just doing nothing about the emotions and give them space to exist within us. Sometimes when I feel anger or don’t feel understood, I would argue with my close people. I would say stupid things which I regret afterward. Being aware and stepping back into the role of an observer of one’s own feelings is the best option there is. It will save so many negative consequences.
Taking all the Time in the World to Recover
And the most important thing here is: taking any needed amounts of time. All of us, we are different and we feel differently. I sometimes need a few minutes to deal with a negative situation and other times, like bad breakups, I needed years. Some situations still make me sweat after years as soon as I think about them. Taking as much time as we need to recover is a sign of deep self-love and self-care. I’m a big believer in the power of “self-“ (- awareness / – love / – respect / – support / – reflection), so while experiencing any negative emotion, the most needed person, who can help us – its us. Only we can help ourselves. And if we do, we recover so much faster and are ready to face happiness again.
Looking Forward to Good Times
In line with anger, loneliness or other negative emotions, which I experience from time to time, I never forget how lucky I am to breath, to be healthy, to walk on my own, to move freely, to speak, to sing, to be able to speak, to be able to see and hear. We often don’t appreciate the good we have and only focus on what we don’t have. When I feel bad, I know for sure, that it will pass away soon and I’m doing good. I just keep it in mind just in case I decide to become happy earlier ?
Being Grateful (even for the worst)
I “train” my mind to love the “bad” things by practicing a lot of gratitude. Every single day for the last 2,5 years I’m counting even the smallest blessings and achievements of every single day before going to bed or after waking up. Every day. It seemed stupid and weird at first place, but then became THE game changer for my life. I’m grateful for everything I have and get. I’m grateful for my broken heart, for jealous and demotivating people in my life, for abusive people, for my past depression, for fights with my family and friends and so on. When did I grow the most? Exactly during the hard times. How can I dislike negative emotions? I embrace them and love them. I’m grateful for them, simply because being grateful serves me and being angry and taking them as unfair – doesn’t.
I’d love to share one more of my very, very intimate and personal little practice:
Thinking of Guardian Angels
When I feel insecure, unhappy, lonely etc I oftentimes think of all the amazing people in my life who support me from their heart and soul. I imagine them standing behind me and holding space for me, smiling at me. I know, I’m not alone, even if they are far away and don’t know about what I’m dealing with. Knowing, that we have support is so important. I imagine them, smile back at them and the negative emotions slowly start to fade away. Little practice with a huge positive outcome. I also do it, if I’m dealing with toxic people. I imagine all of my guardian angels to be with me. I feel safer and calmer.
Vipassana teaches us about the characteristics of every single feeling and sensation in the universe: it arises and passes away. In times of negative feelings, this is the rule to have in mind. Negative emotions can bring us down if we let them, but it’s not the point of a fulfilled life. If we give our negative emotions a permission to exist within us, they won’t seem as bad. Because we resist to them so badly, they put us down so much. Negative emotions make us stronger, they lead us to our greater self and uncover our potential. Negative emotions are the storms which prepare us for sunny, much brighter and better days than ever before. After all, will we really let a negative emotion destroy our HUGE self ? Really?
It’s impossible, because we’re so much bigger than our feelings. We’re huge. We’re strong and powerful. And love feels sooooo damn good …
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