Can You Imagine Not To … ?

“The heroe’s journey is having the courage to look within yourself and asking: what am I here to do? What are my greatest gifts and how do I give them to the world?”

-Brian Johnson

Self-realization is a huge topic of today for all of us (at least to my perception). We try to live a happier life full of passions as we see that the life we were told to live doesn’t really work and we notice that wanting to be somebody else doesn’t work either. It only exacerbates the struggles we’re having anyway.

I noticed that even if on a surface of life things are okay, I’m still often find myself “lost in life” and something is bothering me deep within. Then I ask myself questions like:

What do I love? Where am I good at? What do I enjoy doing? Do I see myself doing my current job another 40 years, day in and day out? What do I actually want? What “ME” would be satisfying for ME years from now?

Can I imagine not to do what I actually would like to do?

We mostly grow up wanting to be “somebody” (else). Logically, we mostly grow into “somebody else”. From our birth on we are wanted to become a “fixed, socially approved” person. Our parents, who don’t know any better, try to do their best, by “manipulating” us into certain professions and ways of living. They tell us things like “If you don’t study, you will be cleaning streets” (What’s wrong with that actually?) or “To be somebody, you have to prove yourself in the society” (..really?). We grow up with a mindset full of anxieties.

Mostly we have no chance to make our own decisions and draw our own conclusions, by looking deep within and asking ourselves what we want and love. Often we don’t even try to achieve most of our dreams because we were taught what is right. And the worst of it we were pre-programmed with fears, being quite sure that our dreams are insane.

We go the safe way, which is approved by the society and are lead by plenty of excuses, why we don’t or can’t follow our heart.

What if somebody would’ve told us, that the highest, most economical and success-oriented goal is to become more of who we are and that we should strive to become the best we can be, instead of striving to be somebody else’s project? What if we try to answer the question, just for ourselves: What is there I can not imagine not to do?

What if we would live by the following truth: I am me, not a profession, not a identification number, not a brand, not somebody else’s project or hobby  and I have my own, individual desires and dreams, which I can not imagine NOT to follow.

Realizing and feeling through this truth is freedom to me. I am me, with my own crazy desires, which seem senseless to others – and it’s wonderful.

I was captivated in worries of having a profession, a job, being somebody in the society, looking a certain way (still sometimes am), behaving a certain way – now all I do is healing myself from the “education” I got from the first day of my birth. And the healing process takes time. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve a great family and loving parents, but they taught me what they learned form their own experience and lives, so I can’t blame them even if sometimes I’d like to. The society and “life” imprinted fears into my mind which aren’t mine. They just pre-scribed what is right for me and tried to hold me back from what I actually love.

Just a stupid example: If I don’t follow my dreams, I will be unhappy. When I’m unhappy, I will go buy a lot of unnecessary stuff and watch TV how good other people live. When I’m unhappy, I crave sugar – I learned that if I feel bad, a chocolate cake will make me feel better (…well, it does haha but only if enjoyed and not eaten to soothe the suffering). All of it is good for the system, that is why it does everything to shift our focus from ourselves towards some “illusions” of happiness.

What drives me today? The “fear” to have regrets of not having done, even tried the things I love. This fear is dominating my life now and kicks my ass every day to let go of all the other fears of not having safety, financial stability or social approval.

The fears of regretting and not diving into my potential stand above all the other fears. And there’s no other option, than just doing what I love and see what happens. I have to try the things I believe in today and they might change tomorrow. But can not imagine not to try and not to leap into it. The truth is, that I’m still not earning a dime with writing or cooking and my singing gigs are paid well, but aren’t stable and I sing cover and not my own songs. So practically, I don’t earn with singing either. But, I know , that having the courage, will lead me to something bigger eventually – I put my heart and soul into my passions. Financial stability didn’t make me happy anyway and I don’t believe in social “safety”, so I don’t have anything to lose.

If we reflect on our lives and ask ourselves honest questions about who we are and who we want to be, about how to get there, about what stands in the way, about what we really, really love – what would be the answer? What would be the biggest regret if we wouldn’t have done something we desire?

What can we not imagine not to do in this one, quite short life we have?

I feel good realizing that I’m in the process to learn not to have to pretend to be somebody else. I experiment with all possible versions of myself, eliminating those, which I don’t like and living more of those, which I adore. I talked to my wonderful, delightful mentor Rick Gabrielly, The Marriage Boss, and he pointed out, yes, even quoted me, things I told him, without consciously realizing, that I’m saying them. And I’m standing behind every single word.

“I can not imagine not to sing”

“I can not imagine not to cook”

“I can not imagine not to write a book”

“I can not imagine not to write my blog”

“I can not imagine not being independent”

“I can not imagine not to learn and speak new languages”

“I can not imagine being the same person I was yesterday”

“I can not imagine not to create anymore, because somebody could judge me”

“I can not imagine not to connect and interact with my readers and followers”

“I can not imagine not to live a fulfilled life, even if I feel hurt, broke or low now” (It will pass away)

“I can not imagine being stuck in one idea, passion, box, nationality, emotion, country, language, profession”

I also can not imagine working inside of four walls, where all of my creativity and ideas will die and I can not imagine a life without my passions and freedom, in any sense of the word freedom: mental, physical and creative. I intend to follow my dreams instead of creating a life full of regrets with my own hands. I commit to be the best I can. Yes, there is a lot of courage wanted to be what we are born to be, but isn’t it worth it? Isn’t it worth it to make this life the best life on earth for ourselves?

What is there, that you can not imagine NOT TO do in this life? What is the biggest wish you’ve always had? What would you regret the most if you didn’t try? What is the biggest desire for YOURSELF?

And in front of all, what is holding you back?

I’d love to hear your opinion on this topic and all the struggles which are attached to it.

Love,

Olga

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