“We are prepared for insults, but compliments leave us baffled.”
I love humans, but sometimes they confuse me. Recently I started to wonder extremely about one obvious paradox. Let me give you some life-examples:
Before going on my crazy adventure trip, back home in Germany I’ve met an amazing guy, who is not only beautiful from the outside, a gentlemen, funny, charming, thoughtful, but also is sexååy, focussed and follows a healthy lifestyle. To my perception he seemed as an overall amazing man and all the time I wanted to tell him how happy I am to meet such a great human at least for a short time. So when I moved to Spain we had contact every now and then and I was complimenting him, saying how much I admire him as a man and human. It was clear for both that we stay friends, so I dared to be honest with him and just told him what was on my mind. Many times I told him how he inspires me by being the way he is. Surprising was that he never could accept my words. The last time I mentioned how great he is, he just told me clearly “I don’t want any compliments”. This was the last time we texted and even if it feels weird – it’s okay. I accept his request.
Then I met an awesome writer on my travels. She’s a great creative woman, full of healing positive energy. After she brought up another amazing idea for a project we’re co-working on, I told her that I think, that she’s genius. Her answer was: “Stop saying it”.
Then there’s this friend of mine, who’s a traveller, a free-spirit, a writer, a thinker, a philosopher, who’s literally one of the most interesting humans I’ve ever met (online). I read many of his writings and every time I want to let him know how much I like his writing and how eye-opening, inspiring and soul-soothing his words are – I never get an answer. When we’re having those amazing deep talks, I just want to share how much I love talking to him and how huge his personality is. Even if he doesn’t seem timid and to my opinion doesn’t lack confidence – he still seem to have difficulties to simply accept my words.
As those three stories happened in a very short time-period, I was just frustrated, that my words weren’t taken and I actually stopped saying words of kindness for some time, because nobody takes them seriously anyway. I have to say that also I can’t accept compliments properly and most of the time I really have to control myself to show gratitude instead of starting to veto the compliments, other are giving me. It made me think:
Why are we, creative human beings (I’m including myself too), so likely to accept all kinds of criticism, but can’t accept compliments, affection or words of kindness with gratitude? Why all of the amazing, talented, kind people are hiding their awesomeness and even are ashamed of their human greatness? Whom do we fear and why is it so difficult just to answer with a warmhearted, decent “thank you”?
Is it because we aren’t allowed to shine?
Approximately 1,5 years ago I started to dive more into my creativity and to approach my potential with love and support. I’m proud of what I have done until today. Yes, it’s still not enough and there’s a long way to go yet. Though it makes me move faster when I have my own support and validation. Before I started to look for validation inwards, I always was discouraged by the society around me. They teach us to be “modest”, to be like everybody and not to be “too much”.
The credits for my talents and skills were always given to someone else – to my parents, my family, my teachers. Kind of: “you cook so well because your … cooks so well” or “you learn languages so fast, because your auntie …”. It’s never me. It’s never our credit. Sounds familiar?
We mostly live in the mindset of being unworthy. It’s imprinted into our minds, that all we have achieved is someone else’s credit. Who studied for the exams? Who worked hard on the new start-up? Who practiced singing, cooking, playing guitar, writing? Who was working out so much? Who was learning all the vocabulary day in and out and had embarrassing talks with thousands of mistakes? Who made all the money? IT’S US. Each one of us. The oscar goes to: YOU.
I suffered so much from this feelings of unworthiness (still am sometimes) until I turned to my inner sources and saw with a smile all of what I have achieved until today. I wrote down my achievements and then asked myself, if I would like to meet similar people and the answer was: sure.
In the rush of life, we aren’t aware of our greatness, but each one of us has a whole lot to be proud of.
So if we like who we are today and who we are growing into, why can’t we just accept the compliments? Why are we often still ashamed of who we are? Why can’t we just be the most shiny, sparkling and confident versions of ourselves?
To my opinion the enemies are:
- Fears of judgment (Shit, what will they think?)
- Insecurities, that we’re still not good enough (Who am I to share?)
- Comparison with others (But he has more followers and he does a much better job. But she’s so much prettier than I am.)
- Perfectionism (As soon as I do a perfect … , then I will …)
- Brainwash of our society / family (It’s not your success. The credit always goes to somebody else.)
To my opinion (the solution and) our friends are:
- Looking inwards, supporting ourselves and seeing our own unique beauty (Consistent meditation or little self-love rituals help a lot long-term)
- Practicing taking compliments as a blessing. With a smile, soft eyes and a simple, short “thank you“
- Showing integrity in who we claim to be. The only important thing in life is that we know what we achieved and we can see the success in ourselves. This always leads to the right, like-minded people.
- Helping others by sharing our skills and knowledge with them unconditionally (makes us naturally feel more grounded and kind)
- Loving ourselves to the moon and back (and putting ourselves first)
- Being open to receive love, words of kindness and admiration (How cute and awesome is that?)
I can’t say it enough: the time to shine is now. Not tomorrow or the other day. We have everything we need to be the most amazing people in the universe and together we can move our world towards love. But we only can give love by being able to receive love. So let’s take words of kindness. Most of the people who give us compliments, really mean it. They want us to know how much they admire us.
We are inspiring humans full of love, kindness and ideas. You know, how many people you inspired, without even noticing it? You know how many people wanted to tell you kind words, but didn’t do it for the reasons mentioned above? And how many times did you want to show somebody love and you didn’t? Why?
Lets give each other compliments, which come from the bottom of our hearts and let’s take each others words with gratitude. We all are an important part of the universe. We need affection and validation in order to feel even more worthy in the society, we are living in. It’s never too much, to let somebody know how much you admire this wonderful person.
Make a compliment. Take a compliment. Shine a bit more .. a bit more every single day until your light will brighten the whole universe around you.
Love,
Olga
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