Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about meditation. About finding that unconditional love within, about just feeling free. Honestly, I’ve a feeling like I can not meditate. My head is full of shit all the time. Im thinking and overthinking and overthinking the well-thought-out. I just can’t find that silence.
I had my first coaching session few weeks ago and my coach asked me, what would meditation be FOR ME? I answered: “I would finally find that silence in my head, the peace with myself, I’d love to be in that moment, feel it, be free of judgement and of fears!”. Then he kept on asking where I meditate and how I practice meditation – I told him that since years I take a silent moment, take the padmāsana (Lotus position) and try to breath deeply and to clear my head. I try. Sometimes I would put on some music. But all I get is thoughts over thoughts. I just can’t sit still. So he told me that if I tried it years over years and it didn’t work, maybe it isn’t my meditation. He asked me, if I had an activity where I completely could lock my mind, where I was there in the moment, where I loved myself and the surrounding, where I gave love, where I received love, where I was silent, but truly alive – I told him, that that moment was music. When I sing.
Well, we have a clear imagination how a meditation should look like (lotus, grasshopper hopping around you, sun is shining, God is whispering into your left ear). It almost became a stereotype. But what if I don’t find my Zen in the Lotus position? What if I just even more bothered? What if I find all that beauty of meditation in singing, why can’t it be my personal meditation? When I am performing on stage or sing at home for myself – I am free. My head is free and clear. I am alive. I don’t have doubts or fears. When I listen to live music, I am there in that moment. I am emotional. I am full of passion. When I even listen to spotify I am there in that moment. I was gifted with ears which are connected to my soul and soul which is connected to my voice. I am so grateful for that, I can express myself when I sing, even if I am scared and ashamed. I sing and all the fears go away. I feel the connection and I feel love. I give love.
I’m curious, what is your meditation?